When the World Feels Too Heavy
A Gentle Reflection for Those Carrying More Than They Should
By: Alexandria Das, Registered Psychotherapist (Q)
You know that moment, maybe it happened this morning, you’re standing in your kitchen, staring at the sink or the clock or your phone, and something inside you whispers, “I can’t keep doing this.”
Not in a dramatic way.
Not in a collapse-to-the-floor way.
More like a quiet truth rising in your chest, or an ache you’ve been trying to swallow for months.
Maybe you woke up already tired. Maybe you made a mental list before your eyes were even open. The tasks. The people who need you. The deadlines you can’t miss. The emotions you need to manage (yours, and everyone else’s). Maybe you’re moving through life on autopilot, wondering where your own needs went.
And if that’s you, you’re not alone.
So many people reach this point quietly, privately, without ever naming the weight they’re carrying.
My hope is that as you read this, something in you softens. That by the end, you’ll feel just a little bit lighter, a little more understood, and maybe even a little more hopeful. Because after all your human too.
The Silent Weight
The silent weight doesn’t belong to one group alone. People of all genders can feel it in different ways and at different times. And at the same time, research and lived experience continue to show that this weight often falls more heavily on women, sometimes so quietly and consistently that many don’t even realize how much they’ve been carrying.
Most women don’t break under one heavy thing. They break under the layering, the slow accumulation of expectations that don’t leave room for being human.
Research shows that women shoulder the majority of unpaid domestic and caregiving labour, regardless of employment status [1]. The cultural expectations haven’t caught up with the reality of women’s lives: often women are still expected to be competent at work, emotionally available at home, picture-perfect socially, and endlessly resilient through it all.
And yes, women can be deeply nurturing. That part is real and beautiful.
But the pressure to be everything for everyone? We learn that. This often comes from a lifetime of being accustomed to carry more than their share, anticipating needs before they’re spoken, working twice as hard, “handling it” without complaint.
For those who have experienced trauma, this weight can feel even heavier. Many learned, often very early on, that staying safe meant staying strong, staying alert, and carrying everything on their own. Without realizing it, they may be holding the same silent weight, shaped not only by expectation, but by survival.
This weight is invisible from the outside but undeniable on the inside.
These are some of the ways I see it show up for clients:
feeling an obligation or responsible for everyone’s comfort (likely at the cost of your own)
too many responsibilities and never feeling “caught up”
guilt for being tired or sick
shame for having limits and it feeling impossible to say “no”
the sense that rest must be earned
And because so much of this is silent and internal, it often goes unseen, even by the people living it.
What Is the Real Impact on Our Minds and Bodies
Stress doesn’t just live in the mind; it trickles into our bodies.
Stress and physiology are deeply connected affecting nearly every system of the body: the nervous system, immune system, cardiovascular health, digestion, attention, memory, emotional regulation, and sleep [2]. Our stress hormones can stay elevated for LONG periods of time, making it hard for us to think clearly, rest deeply, or be present in our lives.
And when you combine that stress with constant responsibility, perfectionism, and pressure?
Our bodies “keep the score” for us, so to speak. Meaning that we begin to see physical symptoms emerge.
For many people, that looks like:
constant exhaustion, no matter the amount of sleep you get
emotional numbness or irritability
headaches, gut issues, muscle tension
difficulty concentrating
feeling “on edge” even when your external world feels calm
anxiety that seems to come out of nowhere
the inability to fully relax, even when you are trying
Psychologists such as Hillary McBride speak to how these pressures shape the very relationship women have with their bodies, often pushing them to disconnect, push through pain, over-function, or ignore signals that they’re overwhelmed [3].
The result?
Your body that is doing everything it can to protect you… is also begging you to slow down.
A Different Possibility: What if You Didn't Have to Carry So Much?
What if the answer isn’t to push harder but to soften more?
What if there is another way to live, one where being human doesn’t feel like failure?
This doesn’t mean abandoning responsibilities or pretending life is simple. It doesn’t even mean life will somehow become “easy.”
Because honestly, it is hard work. But the trade off is extending yourself the same compassion you extend those around you.
It means gently questioning the connection between the belief that your worth is tied to output, perfection, or helpfulness.
It means remembering:
you deserve rest
you’re allowed to take up space
your needs matter too
you don’t exist solely to care for others
your body is not a machine and has limits
your life is allowed to feel like yours
Changing your internal narrative doesn’t happen overnight. But it can begin slowly, with small permissions, gentle pauses, tiny rebellions against the pressure to be endlessly productive and endlessly strong.
Why This Reframe Matters — For You, and For Everyone You Love
There is a common fear: If I slow down, everything will fall apart.
But the truth is the opposite [4].
When we are exhausted, depleted, and overstretched, the whole system suffers. Families absorb that stress. Relationships strain. Work becomes harder. Health declines. Burnout becomes the default mode of living.
Chronic stress reduces quality of life and cognitive functioning, meaning you’re not imagining it when simple tasks feel harder or decision-making feels heavier [5].
But when we reclaim our rest, boundaries, and humanity?
Everything begins to shift.
We become:
more emotionally present
more connected
more creative
more patient
more fulfilled
more able to show up in ways that truly matter
more alive!
You weren’t meant to pour from an empty cup.
And healing yourself is not selfish, honestly, it’s generational work.
When one individual steps out of the burnout culture, the expectations around them shift, even in small ways.
That is how change begins.
What Support Can Look Like – A Soft Landing Place
Support doesn’t have to be dramatic.
It can start quietly, gently, slowly.
Support might look like:
having one person who listens without trying to fix
naming your limits out loud
learning what rest actually feels like in your body
practicing receiving instead of always giving
finding small pockets of spaciousness in your day and taking a moment to be grateful
giving yourself permission to not be “on” all the time
Therapy can be one place for that kind of support, not as a solution to your “problems,” but as a space where you don’t have to be the strong one, the capable one, or the one who has it all together. A space where emotion is allowed, your story is held, and your exhaustion is understood.
And if you’re reading this and thinking, I think I might need that…
then this is your gentle reminder:
reaching out for support is an act of care, not just for yourself, but for everyone whose life touches yours.
Because you were never meant to carry the world alone.
Resources:
1. Raja AN, Digal G. Invisible labour with Visible effect: The Impact of Unpaid Work on Women Health and Wellbeing. SEEJPH. 2024 Dec 24; XXIV: 1711-1724.
2. Zafar MS, Nauman M, Nauman H, Nauman S, Kabir A, Shahid Z, Fatima A, Batool M. Impact of stress on human body: a review. European Journal of Medical and Health Sciences. 2021 May 30;3(3):1-7.
3. McBride HL. Mothers, daughters, and body image: Learning to love ourselves as we are. Post Hill Press; 2017 Oct 31.
4. Neff K, Germer C, Germer CK. Mindful self-compassion for burnout. Guilford Publications; 2024 Sep 23.
5. Griban GP, Trufanova VP, Lyukianchenko MI, Dovhan NY, Dikhtiarenko Z, Otravenko O, Nadimyanova TV. Causes of stress and its impact on women’s mental and physical health. Wiadomości Lekarskie Medical Advances. 2024;77(12):2493-2500.
